Meh.
That nightmare fucking sucked. I can’t believe I’m still thinking about it.
This summer is going to suck the more thought I give into it.
I see some changes I don’t like in myself, yet, I’m not doing anything but just sitting back and watching.
I miss all the cute shit. I want someone to be cute with and spoil with happiness.
But maybe I should take care of my happiness first.
Or my mom’s, her bday and mothers day is coming up.
I don’t know how I feel about looking far ahead into my future.
Is there a possibility I can just flash forward to Malaysia?
It HAS to get done.
Fuckity fuck fuck.
I care about myself too much.
Is it too late to change things?
dyango:
I was, and still am, speechless.
I was so lost in the moment; so lost in her eyes, her kisses, and her smile.
We didn’t talk for what felt like hours, we just smiled as we held each other under the night sky. Everything around us disappeared. I don’t know how to explain it; just know that it was so nice.
It was such a beautiful moment.
I know exactly that feel.
moments like these >
quick unpopular opinion
I don’t know if I’m too fond of smoking anymore. I mean, it feels great and everything but I just feel so desolate.
Friends say they like it because it gets them out of their shy zone. And that it helps them be a little more true to themselves about who they are. It helps them escape, and so on. But I just don’t get that.
Whenever I’m high, I do the same things I do when I’m sober. I say the same things I say when I’m sober. I think the same way I do when I’m sober.Nothing really changes. I’m just a a little out of touch with what’s going on around me. Maybe I get a little hungrier and lazier and I have a grin on my face I can’t seem to let go of.
I’m down to smoke in groups, if anything. I just don’t really see myself needing it on my own.
And my friend, you need to get your shit together. It pains me to see that sappy melted smile on your face. You’re making a fool of yourself.
Wow. I seriously don’t know what I’m so afraid of. I need to live a little.
Wow, I’ve gotten pathetic. I needz to stop.
Haven’t really been feelin it today
You know, me being a little bitch about everything isn’t going to make things better.
I think this picture can describe perfectly how I’m feeling right now.
Although it’s been a eventful day, all it’s done is distract me.
I keep sweeping all my thoughts and emotions under a rug as they shouldn’t be. And it’s the moments and nights like tonight that make me realize how much I have just built myself up for, you can say.
It was that time of night when everyone was dwindling down. Securing the ones they wanted to take back home tonight. Or if not, exchanging numbers and information about where they could find them around. Everyone had someone to talk to, and then there was I. Standing in the corner by the trashcan awkwardly just watching as everyone did their thing. I looked at the change in body language that everyone had. My guy friends had gotten their International mack on. It was a thirsty look. Guys making their moves and the girls being swayed by the very words the guys spoke into their ears. And I just watched as the girls grabbed the guys and walked out the doors. I guess things aren’t that different no matter where you are in the world.
And at that moment, everything came back to me. The position that I had found myself in just got heavier and heavier by the second. I tried to wait it out until the end of the night, but I gave in and saw myself out the door. I skated all the way back to my vacant dorm as it always is. And now everything is just starting to hit me harder and harder and I just can’t take it anymore. I’m annoyed by myself. I’m just constantly contradicting myself and keeping it all in because I know that it is impossible to explain it all. This is just something that I need to do myself to rid myself of the dependency of the people around me. Then again, I absolutely hate the idea of being alone. It’s just a overwhelming feeling of being trapped to me. My biggest fear. But there’s nothing I can really do now, is there? So as for right now I’m just hoping this rug can take a lot more.
